My Love Always
by pdlbean
Summary: She was gone, and things would never be the same. Years after Brennan's mysterious death, her daughter wants some information about her mother. Meanwhile, Booth tries to understand her death while raising his little girl as best he can.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, Okay, I know I said that I wouldn't post this until January, but I just sat down and actually wrote out the first chapter and I wanted to get some feedback. Consider this a teaser of sorts. I don't expect to update for a few weeks, but I would love to know what you think! Oh, and I've heard the name "Adanna" pronounced several different ways, but in my mind Adanna's name is pronounced "Ah-DAN-nah", just FYI. Enjoy. **

Chapter 1

"Dad, let's roll!" 12-year-old Adanna Booth shouted from the front room. Booth walked out to join her.

"Yeah, yeah, hold your horses!" he teased her playfully. Even now, every time he looked at her a lump caught in his throat. She was the spitting image of her mother. Her eyes are what killed him the most. They were identical to Brennan's. As was the way her delicate auburn curls settled around her shoulders. The ninth anniversary was rapidly approaching. Booth kept waiting for the pain to fade, but it never did. There were still nights he didn't sleep at all and just stared at the empty half of the bed, expecting her warmth and her comfort while he slept soundly in her arms.

Booth dropped Adanna off at school and headed to the Hoover. Having long ago given up field work, Booth climbed the ranks of the FBI and was currently Executive Assistant Director Seeley Booth. He liked his new role as a desk jockey, for the most part. He did miss being out on the streets, chasing down the bad guys, but this was rewarding in its own way. He also wasn't getting any younger. He was currently 53 years old and had to admit to himself years ago that his body was giving out on him and he just wasn't capable of being the agent he once was. And, most importantly, he was safer this way. The last thing his already damaged daughter needed was to be an orphan.

He took the picture off his desk and stared at it for a moment, just as he did every morning. It was the last picture of the three of them together. Adanna was in Brennan's lap, just over three years old. Booth was standing behind them, wearing a goofy grin. He couldn't remember what they had been so happy about, but the joy on their faces never failed to bring tears to his eyes. "I miss you today, Bones," he said quietly, then chuckled softly despite himself. "I miss you every day, but next week it'll be nine years since you were taken away from us. And lately I've realized that I'm starting to forget things. Things I promised I would never forget. When was the last time I told you I loved you? I know it wasn't that day; I'll never forgive myself for that. So, how long before that was it? A day? Two? I can't remember anymore. How does it feel when you kiss me, Bones? What does it feel like when your knees go weak and you get butterflies all the way up to your ears? That's starting to fade too. I don't want to forget. Help me remember, Bones."

A few hours passed uneventfully. Booth had long ago traded his gun for his pen and spent most of his day filling out paperwork. He was pulled out of a trance when his phone rang. "Booth," he answered.

"Mr. Booth." He sighed. This voice was all too familiar too him.

"Yes, Mrs. Thompson," he said, trying to put on the best positive voice he could muster. He did not need this today.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to come down here immediately. Adanna has instigated another fistfight. This is the third strike, Mr. Booth. She's been suspended for fifteen days." Booth sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand.

"Thank you, I'll be right down." He hung up the phone and buried his head in his hands. Adanna had been getting into trouble at school for about a year now. It was quite a change from what he used to expect out of his little girl. When she was young, she was a star student. She got good grades and had a strong network of friends. Her teachers thought the world of her. Now at parent conferences all he heard were words like 'disrespectful' and 'aggressive.' Only in the last few months had she gotten into actual physical altercations. This was her first out of school suspension, and Booth was steaming.

He charged into the principal's office, not bothering to check in with the office worker outside. He spotted Adanna sitting in a chair a few feet from him, giving him a look of utter terror. He practically growled as he took her by the arm and pulled her into a standing position. "Daddy, I…"

"Don't 'Daddy' me, young lady," Booth warned in a low voice. "You have never _seen _the kind of trouble you're in. We'll discuss this in the car. Now move it." He glanced at the principal, Mrs. Thompson, who gestured that it was okay to leave. Booth guided Adanna out of the office with a firm hand on her shoulder. "Okay, you mind telling me why I had to leave work in the middle of the day to pick you up because you were _suspended_?" Booth snarled when they were en route home. He had a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel, and he was careful not to look at Adanna for fear of exploding.

"It's totally unfair, Dad!" Adanna protested. "It was the other girl's fault! She was getting on my nerves and I warned her that she was going to get it, but she didn't listen!"

"So you punched her in the face?" Booth finished the thought. "I raised you better than this, Addy." Addy was the nickname Brennan had given her soon after they agreed on a name for her. She always insisted that it was just a shortening of Adanna and not a tribute to her former assistant and friend, but Booth knew better.

"You don't know what she was saying to me!" Adanna shouted.

"Fine, then enlighten me. What justified you hitting someone because she was irritating you?" Booth waited with a glaring expression for Adanna to answer. "Well?" he finally added. Adanna sighed.

"She told me that Mom killed herself because of me, okay?" There were tears in Adanna's eyes, and now there were in Booth's too.

"Addy…" he began apologetically. He had no idea what to say. He was expecting anything but that. "Addy, you know your mom didn't commit suicide."

"Why do you always say that, Daddy?" Adanna implored. "That's what the police report says!"

"First of all, what the hell are you doing reading the police report? And second, it says _apparent suicide_. There's a big difference." There was definite hesitation in Booth's voice. Even he wasn't sure it wasn't just denial talking when he declared so definitively that Brennan hadn't killed herself.

"Nobody has ever found anything to suggest anything else." Booth glanced to his daughter, his expression soft and sympathetic now.

"Your mother didn't commit suicide," he said again. "I know it in here." He placed a hand over his chest. "She loved you more than anything in the world. I tell you that every day. There's no _way _she left you on purpose, no way. She'd never do that to you. To us."

"How do you know?" Addy asked so quietly, Booth could barely hear it. "Prove it to me." Booth couldn't help but smile a little bit. She was just like her mother that way. Always needing that tangible, irrefutable evidence to back up any claim. Even the claim that your own mother hadn't committed suicide because of something you did to her as a three-year-old.

"I will," Booth promised. "I will."

**-BONES-**

A week passed without incident. Adanna took her punishment gracefully and was doing extra chores around the house as a penance. But there was a cloud looming over both of their heads. This was the day they dreaded most each year. Booth remembered the day so vividly that every time he thought of it, he broke down just as he did that first night…

_"I'll see you at home later," Booth promised Brennan and gave her a quick kiss. "Don't be here until the crack of dawn, okay?"_

_ "Okay," Brennan agreed. "I'll be home before Addy is put to bed." Booth nodded in agreement and turned to leave her office. It was such a normal, benign exchange between the two of them. Neither of them would have ever imagined that this would be the last time they ever spoke to one another. Booth thought about this three sentence conversation every day. He should have said 'I love you.' He should have made her wear that damn mace keychain she always deliberately left on the counter when she left for work, making sure it was in plain view so she would get her point across._

_ He should have stayed._

_Adanna's babysitter wouldn't have minded the extra few hours' pay. If he had just stayed with her while she finished up the paperwork, he would have been there. He would have been able to save her from whoever had decided to take her from him and their beautiful, bright-eyed baby girl._

_ The first hour after Addy was put to bed Booth wasn't worried. She had probably lost track of time. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. Two hours after Adanna's bedtime, some anxiety began to rise in his stomach. He called her cell, but it went directly to voicemail. Another hour passed, and he figured it was time to check on her. He called Angela to come over to watch Adanna and he made his way to the Jeffersonian. Her car wasn't in her parking space. Now he was really starting to panic. He called her cell again, but was once again greeted by her voicemail message. "Shit," he muttered to himself before calling the police._

_ It took three agonizing days. Three days of Addy asking where her mommy was. Three days of not knowing how to answer her. Three days of sympathetic words and looks he didn't really want to deal with. Three days of hope slowly slipping through his fingers. Then, on the fourth day, he got the call. They had found a body, and they were ninety percent certain it was Temperance. He couldn't breathe. He was certain his heart had stopped. He was brought in to identify the body. When he saw her, and there was no doubt left in his mind that all of his prayers were in vain, he died. He died and there would be no resurrecting him. He would never be the man he was before this happened. He would merely be a ghost of him, existing but having no being. On that day, Seeley Booth ceased to live._

_ The next nine years were consumed with taking care of Adanna and Parker. He had never been a full-time single father before, and matched with his grief, it was a nearly impossible task. He had made mistakes along the way, he knew this. But Adanna knew that she had his love, and for now, that was all that mattered…_

Father and daughter stood at the gravesite, hand in hand. Adanna clutched the bouquet of daffodils and daisies while her father spoke of love and partnership and loyalty. The words were different from year to year, but the sentiment was always the same. When he finished, Adanna placed the flowers at the base of the headstone. A lone tear rolled down Booth's cheek as the epitaph stared back at him.

TEMPERANCE BRENNAN

1976-2016

HER LEGACY WAS ONE OF LOVE

**-BONES-**

Booth knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep that night, so he didn't even attempt it. Instead, he rummaged through the attic, where he had put everything that was too painful to remember. He allowed himself to look at it on this day and this day only every year. He reminisced and cried, but there was one thing he knew he had to save for last. He found the blue shoebox in its usual place, and placed it in his lap. With trembling hands he opened the lid and put it beside him. There were upwards of a hundred pieces of paper folded neatly and precisely in the box. They were organized by date, most recent in the back, oldest in the front. His fingers went directly to the letter he loved most, having long ago memorized its position among the identical pieces of paper. He unfolded it and began to read…

_Dearest Booth,_

_ You're only feet away from me now, but I feel that I would be unable to put what I need to say to you into words at the moment. You are not yet aware, but I discovered today that I'm carrying your child. When I learned this, I experienced a myriad of emotions ranging from shock, to fear, to absolute, unequivocal joy. I believe that I felt the lattermost the strongest. I know that I shouldn't be afraid, because you're going to be here with me as I go through this. I've never been a mother before, Booth, you know that. It's a terrifying concept for me. I'm unsure whether or not I will be what this child needs and deserves._

_But I know you will be._

_You're already a fantastic father to Parker, and you will be the same to this child. I know that you will be strong in the areas where I am weak. That's why if this child is a girl, I would like to name her Adanna. Adanna is Nigerian in origin, and it means 'her father's daughter.' Because that is what she will be. You'll be able to teach her everything I cannot. You can teach her to relate to her fellow human beings and how to be compassionate. Of course, there is a fifty percent probability that this child is male. The situation would be the same, I just haven't thought of a suitable name for a boy yet._

_I don't know how I will tell you of this development in our relationship. I imagine that it would not be wise to simply hand you this letter when I've completed it. I think I'm happy, Booth. I'm happy because you're in my life, and you'll be in our child's life. I love you in a way that I will never fully comprehend. I understand now that my feelings for you cannot be considered rationally. I only have one request. If you are to teach our child only one of the lessons you have taught me, let it be that loving someone is worth it._

_ My Love Always,_

_ Bones_

Booth sat reading the letters for hours, until he had digested every word. Most of the letters he had committed to memory, but they never ceased to move him to tears. His love's heart was in these letters, these love notes to him. Her soul was bared here in a way even he had never seen. It was then, as he got up to leave the attic and try to sleep for perhaps twenty minutes before he had to go into work, that he knew what he had to do.

He opened Adanna's door quietly, although he knew she would be wide awake. Neither of them ever slept well on this night. He approached her bed with the blue shoebox in hand. He handed it to her, and she took it gingery, knowing instinctively that it was very important to her father. She gave him a questioning look, and he nodded. She opened the box and carefully traced her hand over the row of perfectly placed paper. "What is this?" she asked in a soft whisper. Booth leaned over and kissed her on the top of the head.

"Proof," he said simply, and turned to leave his daughter's bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for the great feedback! You guys inspired me to write more! Tell me what works in the chapter and what doesn't. What do I need to work on? Tell me honestly!**

Chapter 2

Booth didn't remember falling asleep, but his head hit the pillow at just after five in the morning, and the next time he looked at the clock it was past ten. "Damn it!" he exclaimed, then turned to the other side of the bed. "Bones, why did you let me…" He froze; his heart in his throat. That must have been one hell of a dream.

He scrambled for his phone and noticed that he had several messages waiting from Hacker, who had recently been appointed as Director of the FBI by the president. The messages began with a sympathetic tone. Hacker understood the significance of the previous day. They quickly escalated to irritation and Booth knew he had better get his ass to work. He quickly dressed in his suit and slipped on his favorite socks. Brennan had given him these for their first Valentine's Day as a couple. They had long ago worn out and there were so many holes in them they could hardly still be considered socks. _"Isn't that just like you?" _he heard Bones' voice in his head. _"Assigning sentimental value to worthless objects."_

Booth opened Adanna's door to find her sleeping soundly. The shoebox sat unopened on her nightstand. Booth took a piece of paper and a pencil from her desk and quickly scrawled a note which he placed on top of the box. He then kissed her on the forehead and left for work.

Adanna woke up about an hour later. As she stretched, she saw the folded piece of paper propped up on the shoebox. She reached for it and read: _Addy, I know it's hard, but please read these while I'm at work today. She'd want you to know these things. I'll bring home pizza for dinner tonight. I love you. –Daddy_

Addy sighed and stared at the box. She was completely and utterly conflicted. She knew there were things in that box she needed to know. But, the question was if she _wanted _to know them. She only had very fuzzy memories of her mother. Her father had told her so many stories and showed her so many pictures, what she actually remembered easily became tangled with those tales. She was certain that her dad had embellished some of the stories. She knew he had unintentionally made Adanna put her mother on the same pedestal he had put her on many years ago. But if she read whatever what was in that box, she knew there would be no escaping it. It would be her mother's words she was reading. She would have the first real picture of who her mother was. How she felt about her, about her dad. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that. With unsteady hands, she took the box off of the nightstand and put it on the bed in front of her. She took a few deep breaths and opened the lid. She figured the best place to start would be the beginning and took the first letter out…

_Booth,_

_ I don't intend for you to ever read this. I haven't spoken to you in nearly five months. Sometimes I question my decision to leave Washington, and by extension you, for an entire year. Of course, you came to the same decision. That consoles me to a certain degree. I think about you often. I wonder if you are safe in Afghanistan. I wonder if you speak to the others, or if you have been unable to face them as I have. I'm unsure why I can't seem to call or write any of you. Nothing of particular consequence has occurred here in Maluku yet. I spend most of my time reflecting. I suppose that was the point of my leaving in the first place. I often wonder where we will be as partners and friends when we return._

_ I dream about you almost every night. Most of the time I dream that we are a romantic couple. I know this is impossible, but I find that I always wake up smiling. I'm sorry that it couldn't work between us, Booth. But I do believe that this is for the best. Even if that night had gone differently, if I had said yes, it was all wrong for us. I understand that completely now. I love you, I do, but I cannot give you what you need. I cannot tell you what you want to hear. I cannot promise you forever, not in the way you need. I can be your friend and your partner. I can love you in an 'atta-boy' kind of way, but I can promise you no more. You need someone better than I am. I hope you find her one day, and I hope she gives you the forever you so richly deserve. I miss you every day and I look forward to our meeting at the coffee cart. Stay safe for me._

_ My Love Always,_

_ Bones_

Adanna quickly folded the paper and placed it back in its place, overcome with emotion. She had never heard or read any of her mother's own words before. Any home movies they had in the house were never spoken of. Both Addy and Booth had no stomach for them. She had never picked up one of Brennan's books or even one of her old case files. Where she once had only second hand information, she now had the words of the woman herself. She was shaken to her very core. She shoved the shoebox under her bed and wiped at her eyes with determination.

Booth returned home at around five in the evening, pizza in hand. He shouted for Adanna and the two of them sat down for dinner. "How was work?" Addy asked as she dug into the pizza loaded with every topping imaginable. She had certainly inherited the Booth appetite and could put just about anything down.

"Great," Booth answered with a smile. Then, he figured it was time to address the elephant in the room. "So did you…"

"No," Addy answered quickly. She didn't want him to say it. "I couldn't. I just… I couldn't, Daddy. I read one of them and… I just couldn't…" Booth put a reassuring hand on her arm to calm her down. Then, after a beat, Adanna decided mention the letter she did read. "I just read one of them," she told her father. "She was in Indonesia. She told you to find someone who would love you forever, because she didn't think she could. She was in love with you then, and she let you go. For you. That had to have hurt her a lot." Booth nodded, remembering Brennan's tearful confession in the car that rainy night.

"Yeah, it did," Booth confirmed. He sat in silence for a moment, and Adanna just watched him.

"You're still lonely, Daddy." It was a statement, not a question. Booth looked at his daughter and his brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't want you to be lonely."

"I'm not lonely," Booth promised and kissed his little girl on the cheek. "I have you, and Parker. We have all of our friends at the Jeffersonian. That's all I need." _And Bones,_ he added in his head. But, he knew that was impossible. Booth gave the most convincing smile he could muster, but Addy wasn't buying it for one second.

Addy spent the next couple of hours in her room, holding a rather one-sided staring contest with the box of letters. Every fiber of her being wanted to read more, needed to understand the woman who had given her life. But her arms simply wouldn't move. So for now, it sat untouched.

Adanna drifted off to sleep early that night, exhausted from her lack of sleep the day before. Her eyes snapped open involuntarily and she was unaware of her surroundings for a split second. She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was a little past eleven at night. She tried to remember what woke her up, and her ears were soon met with the answer. She heard the unmistakable sound of whimpering from down the hall. Sadly, this was far from the first time she had been shaken from a peaceful slumber by this sound. Yawning, she wiped the sleep from her eyes and pulled herself out of bed.

She opened her father's bedroom door slowly, not knowing the exact state he would be in. Some nights it wasn't a big deal. He would whimper and moan a few times in his sleep, then he would quiet down and they would both settle back to sleep until morning. But other nights, he would scream for hours. A long time ago, Addy would try to console him during those bad nights, but she soon learned it was all in vain. No matter how hard she tried, he would never wake up until he was good and ready to. Tonight, she quickly assessed that he was having one of his bad nights. He was thrashing and shouting louder than he had in months.

"Bones!" he yelled into the darkness of the room. "Bones, I'm right here! No, don't, Bones! Please! Leave her alone! Don't you touch her! Bones! Bones…" He went through several waves of his nightmares. He would quiet for ten minutes or so, and then the screaming of her name would start up again. Knowing she couldn't do anything for him, Adanna trudged back to her room and tried to block the sound with a pillow over her head.

At around midnight, she noticed that Booth's night terrors weren't getting any better. She took her cellphone off the nightstand (for emergencies only, her father always told her) and dialed her best friend, Mia Hodgins. "Mia," she greeted when the 14-year-old picked up. She knew no matter how late it was, Mia would never let her down. Mia immediately noticed that Addy was crying.

"Addy, are you okay?" she asked in a whisper. Adanna shook her head although she knew that Mia couldn't see her.

"No," she said honestly. "Dad is having a bad night." That was all she had to say, Mia picked up on her meaning right away.

"I'm on my way. Do you want me to stay there with you?"

"No. I just really need to get out of here. I can't listen to him anymore." Addy let a tear slide down her cheek. It killed her that she couldn't help her dad when he was in so much pain. All she could do was remove herself from the situation and wait for morning to come.

It was quite a walk from the Hodgins estate to the Booth household, but about 45 minutes later Mia was tapping at Addy's window, sitting in the tree they always used when they wanted to sneak out of the house. Addy slid the window open and Mia immediately heard Booth's fervent shriek of "Don't go, Bones!"

"You weren't kidding," she said with sympathy in her voice. "Come on," she offered her hand and hoisted Addy onto the branch she was standing on. They climbed down the tree expertly, having done it a hundred times. "Anywhere specific you want to go?" Addy shrugged.

"Anywhere." Mia nodded and led the way away from the house. The two best friends soon found themselves in a small park, sitting on the swings.

"He gave me some letters she wrote," Adanna said after a long moment of silence. Mia looked at her, having no idea what to say. "I could only read one of them before completely losing it. He's really unhappy, Mia. Like, I can't remember seeing him this sad before. I just want to fix it, but I don't know what to do."

"It's not your job to fix it," Mia told her. "You're just like Uncle Booth that way. It's not your job to fix every single thing wrong with the world."

"But this isn't something wrong with the world," Addy shot back. "This is something wrong with my dad. Besides Parker and you guys, he's the only family I have. I don't want him to hurt so much anymore." Mia had no words left, so she just held her friend as she began to sob.

**-BONES-**

Booth jerked awake at about one in the morning. He was panting and sweating profusely. He remembered most of his dreams, and he knew that he must have been having one of his night terrors. He sighed, knowing that Addy had heard him and most likely had tried to rouse him from his nightmares. He knew that in one way or another, whether he had taught her or she had inherited it, that he had given her the need to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everything was _Adanna's_ problem, and it killed him to see her trying to fix him. It should be the other way around. He was supposed to be the father, and she was supposed to be the kid. He slipped out of bed and padded into Addy's room to apologize.

Panic shot through him as he stared at his daughter's empty bed. His recent nightmares and just general overprotectiveness made him jump to the worst possible conclusion in an instant. "Okay, don't panic," he said to out loud to calm himself. "Call Angela. She's probably over there." He ran back to his bedroom and quickly dialed the Hodgins' home number.

"Hello?" Jack's groggy reply came on the fourth ring.

"Hodgins!" Booth shouted into the phone. "Addy's gone. Is she there with you?"

"What? No, at least, I don't think so. I'll check." Booth heard Hodgins put the phone down and waited impatiently for him to return. "Booth? Mia is gone too. I'm sure they're together," he assured his friend. "Don't freak out," he added, knowing that especially since Brennan's death he wouldn't take his daughter's disappearance well.

"Don't tell me not to freak out, Hodgins," Booth warned. "My twelve year old is missing! Look, I'm gonna ride around and look for them. If I don't find them I'll meet you at your house in an hour. Stay by the phone, one of them might call." Booth hung up without waiting for an answer and grabbed his keys.

It was nearly two in the morning when Booth spotted the girls, still sitting on the swings. Relief washed over him, but that feeling was fleeting as it was quickly replaced with anger. He slammed the car door and jogged over to them. "Daddy!" Addy exclaimed, surprised. Booth pulled her off the swing forcibly and stood her in front of him.

"What the hell were you thinking, Adanna?" he shouted, inches from her face. "You nearly gave me a heart attack! Didn't what happened to your mother teach you _anything_? You do not go out alone, _ever!_" Tears were flowing down Booth's face now as he pulled Addy into a tight hug. "Don't you _ever_ do that again! I can't lose you too… I can't…"

Addy sobbed into her father's shoulder, gripping onto him for dear life. She felt horribly guilty, and she resolved that if it was the last thing she ever did, she was going to make her father happy. In any way she could.


	3. Chapter 3

**Special thanks to NatesMama who looked this over and basically just gave my ego a nice stroke. :P**

Chapter 3

"I'm grounded, right?" Adanna said once she was in the car. Booth glanced at her and let out a small, humorless laugh. "Under house arrest?"

"Something like that," Booth answered. There was a long pause. "God, Addy. Do you know how terrified I was?"

"I planned on being home before you woke up," Addy explained. "I'm sorry I snuck out, but I couldn't do it anymore." She wiped a tear away from her eye.

"Do what?" asked Booth, although he was afraid he already knew the answer.

"Don't make me say it, Daddy," Addy pleaded. "It's hard enough to hear you go through it."

"I'm sorry," Booth said earnestly. "I'm so sorry, Princess." Adanna reacted to the nickname her father hadn't called her since she was small.

"It's not your fault." She laughed softly and Booth gave her a quizzical look. "We're too much alike, you and me. We're both blaming ourselves for all of this."

"How could it possibly be your fault?" he asked gently. "I'm supposed to be the father. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you. And all I do is have nightmares and scare you and shut you out. I make you feel like you have to take care of me. That's not fair to you."

"Well it's not your fault either," Addy shot back, tears flowing freely down her cheeks now. "I know you think that… that she died because of you. That if you had been there or if you had made her leave earlier she would still be alive. But you didn't know what would happen. You didn't know, Daddy. It's not your fault." Booth pulled over, as he was blinded by his own tears. He pulled Adanna into a tight hug and refused to let go.

"I'm going to make this right," he promised as he held his little girl. "I thought by giving you the letters I was giving you proof that she didn't leave us on purpose, but all I was really doing was avoiding having to tell you myself." He let go and wiped his tears away. "I made my own kid go through losing her mother alone."

"I was never alone," Adanna promised. "You always answered all my questions and told me everything you could about her. What could you have done differently?"

"I could have told you that it was okay to hurt," he told her simply. "That you didn't have to feel guilty and ashamed like I did. I could have told you how it felt, and let you tell me how it felt to you. And I'm sorry for that, Sweetheart. God, I'm sorry for so many things." Seeley Booth was normally a man who would be the first to tell a friend to talk about their feelings and to let everything out. How interesting that the second he was confronted with the greatest pain of his life, he was unable to voice it.

"Can we talk about it now?" Addy asked. "Can we talk about how it feels like half of me is missing, and that other people have something they will never, ever appreciate enough? Once Mia told me that she wished Aunt Angela was more of a 'normal mom', whatever that means. And all I could think was that I wished I had a mom at all."

"You're right about me, you know," Booth began, knowing that it was his turn to share his metaphorical scars. "When I have… those dreams…" He paused, not sure if this topic was taboo. When Addy didn't object, he kept going. "I dream about someone hurting her, mostly. But sometimes it's a car, or a fire that's spreading and catching up to her. No matter what the situation is, one thing never changes. I'm right there. I'm right there and I can't reach her. I try so hard but I can never save her. And even though I know it's impossible, I just keep trying."

"That's why she loved you," Adanna concluded. "Because she knew you'd never give up on her." Booth looked at his daughter, his cheeks wet with tears. He couldn't fight his smile.

"Where'd you get that one?" he asked with a touch of humor in his voice. Addy shrugged.

"You've told me a lot more than you think. You told me about her past. About her being abandoned and everything. You _also _told me that you saved her life… more than once. You never let her down. No matter what was going on, you were always together. As friends, partners, a couple, whatever. The point is you never left her, when pretty much everyone else had. That's why she loved you." Booth shook his head, amazed.

"You've been hanging out with Sweets too much," he joked, feeling a need to lighten the mood. Addy laughed and Booth took the pause in their conversation as a cue to continue driving home. "How'd I get such a great kid?"

"You made me that way," Adanna answered with a small smile.

"Me and your mom made you that way."

**-BONES-**

Later that night, after getting dressed for bed, Adanna picked the shoebox up off of her nightstand. She just stared at it for a minute, not sure if she should go through with this or just leave well enough alone. She decided on the former. She found Booth sitting on the couch in his pajamas, the TV turned onto some B-horror movie. "Dad?" she called to him quietly. He turned toward her and smiled.

"What's up, Kiddo?" he asked as she sat next to him on the couch. He noticed the box in her lap and knew that their conversation earlier was far from over.

"Can I read one with you?" she asked tentatively. "I don't think I could do it alone, but I think I might be able to do it with you." Booth hesitated for just a moment, then nodded.

"Yeah, Addy. Of course you can." Adanna smiled slightly and opened the box. "You know, I've memorized most of these," Booth told her. "Is there anything specific you want to know about her? I might be able to think of a letter that answers your question."

"I want to know… what she thought about me. Not right after I was born or anything, I have a pretty good idea of what those letters will say. But… right before she died. I want to know what she saw in me when I was three." Booth smiled, and his fingers went directly to the perfect letter.

"She wrote me a letter on your birthday every year," he explained. "She used to tell me that your birthday was her favorite holiday." He unfolded the letter. "Do you want me to read it out loud?" he asked. He wasn't entirely sure if he would be able to, but right now he would do anything to make Addy more comfortable. Adanna nodded and he took a deep breath…

_My Darling Booth,_

_ Today our daughter turned three. I can't fathom how quickly the time has gone. It doesn't feel like three years ago that I first held her in my arms and fully understood unconditional love for the first time. Her progress has been an amazing thing to witness, and I am very fortunate to share the experience with you._

_ As she is still very young, there is much yet to discover about her personality. However, it's obvious that she is your daughter in every way. Physically she resembles me, but when considering her mannerisms one can tell that she is very aptly named. She understands when I'm upset without being told. She instinctively knows when I need a hug and to be told that she loves me. She knows how to make me smile and she is very kind to others. She would sooner damage herself than let someone she loves down. In these ways and many more, she is exactly like you, and I am grateful for that._

_ Of course, she did inherit some of my traits as well. While I normally would be wary of how she has taken after me, she seems to have inherited attributes that we can both be proud of. She is passionately curious. You, of course, know this. We've both answered questions from why the sky is blue to where she came from. (It was great fun watching you stumble your way through that one, by the way) And she is, of course, stubborn. I believe this was an inevitability. We both have a tendency to hold our ground, and whether she learned it or inherited it, Addy certainly possesses this trait. Our daughter is a perfect combination of both of us. If I can be slightly poetic for a moment, I would say that she is living proof that we are a 'good team' in every sense of the phrase._

_ I still have much to learn about being a mother, but it has been an experience unequaled by any other. I look forward to many more birthdays with our beautiful testament to our love and partnership. This is the most important thing we will do together, raising our child. It is more important than catching murderers and more important than our relationship with each other. The way we have so easily become parents together is just another piece of evidence that you, Booth, complete me. Metaphorically speaking._

_ My Love Always,_

_ Bones _

…Booth put the letter down in his lap, trying not to smudge her perfect handwriting with his tears. "Did that tell you what you wanted to know?" It was the only sentence his brain would allow him to form in the moment.

"Yes," Addy answered, her voice choked up. "Daddy?" Booth looked at her expectantly. "Do you… do you think she would be proud of me?"

"Yeah, Baby Girl," he answered honestly. "She would be, no question." She paused, not really sure if she should ask her next question. It was out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"Do you think you'll ever be happy again?" Her words shot through Booth like a bullet.

**I know this kind of story isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I'm so grateful for all the AMAZING things you guys are saying about this! Thank you all so so much!**


	4. Chapter 4

**To the person who said they wanted to see some Parker in this story, I'm way ahead of ya! I had Parker's appearance in this chapter planned since day one. So, enjoy! (That goes for everyone else too!)**

Chapter 4

_Do you think you'll ever be happy again? _Addy's question rang in Booth's mind all night, and into the next day. He was distracted at work and barely got anything done. Most of the day he just stared at the pictures of Brennan he had on his desk. Finally, mercifully, it was five and he couldn't get out of the Hoover fast enough. He started out driving home, but quickly found himself en route to the cemetery. He didn't fight his instinct and kept going. He called Addy quickly to tell her he'd be a little late and then walked to her headstone.

Booth had spent hours at a time here. He'd told her everything. He told her how Addy was doing and asked her advice on how to deal with her pre-teen hormones. Some days he just revisited his favorite memories of the two of them. But today, he couldn't quite put what he was feeling into words. He stood for several minutes in silence, staring blankly at the stone that marked where his heart was buried. Finally, he started talking. And once the words started, they wouldn't stop. "Bones, I'm not happy. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to be anymore. Then I think about Addy, and it kills me to think about how I hurt her day in and day out. I need to be happy, for her. And… for you. You would want me to be happy, I know that. I just don't know how, Bones. I don't know how to be happy without you. When I think back, every good memory has you in it. I haven't had one since you've been gone. Not really. I mean, a lot of great things have happened. But they never feel quite right because you're not there with me.

"I guess I'm afraid that to be happy I'd have to let you go. And I promised I would never do that. You know me, Bones. I don't break my promises." He paused as a tear slid down his cheek. "And that's the most important promise I ever made. Maybe I broke it once by not saving you. But I'm not going to break it again, Bones. I can't. I don't want to forget, and I don't want you to be something in my past. But I don't want to hurt Addy anymore either. I want to be a good father to her. She deserves so much more than what she's gotten from me. God, what do I do, Bones? Tell me what to do." He smiled at her imagined response in his head.

_I'm gone, Booth. You're being silly. You have every right to be happy and to move on from me. If I could speak metaphorically for a moment, (And why not? This is your imagination, after all) I will always be a part of you, regardless of whether or not you actively mourn me every day. You've mourned enough, Booth. I get the point. You miss me. I understand that you will continue missing me. The only thing I have ever wanted is your happiness, Booth. Find it for me. Please._

"I don't know if I can, Bones," he whispered. "I'm going to try. But I don't know if I can be without you. I'm sorry that I didn't bring any daffodils today, Beautiful. But this was kind of spur of the moment. I'll bring twice as many next time. I love you, Bones." Booth wiped his tears away and headed back to the car.

Back home, Addy was surprised with a visit from her 24-year-old brother. The two of them were talking over sodas in the kitchen. "So, how are things going?" Addy asked as she took a sip. Parker shrugged.

"Pretty good," he answered. "I'll tell you what, though. Marriage really isn't anything like I thought it would be." Adanna tilted her head to the side.

"You've only been married for two months. Things can't be that bad already." Parker smiled at his little sister's innocence.

"We'll work it out," he promised. "I guess Dad was right. Katie and I are too young. We didn't really know what the hell we were getting into. But we'll figure it out. I'm not giving up on us that easy." Addy smiled. "So, how have you and the old man been?" It was Adanna's turn to shrug.

"Not so good," she admitted. "Daddy gave me a box of letters that Mom wrote to him. I've read a couple, but I have a hard time with it. Dad, though, I think he's made a breakthrough or something. Last night he said that he wasn't going to keep it all bottled up anymore. But while that's great and everything, he's still depressed. You know I can't remember a whole day where he was just happy? I want to know the guy Mom knew."

"Yeah, I want that guy back too," Parker said distantly.

"I want… need to do something to help him get over it once and for all." Parker chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.

"He's not going to get over it, Squirt," he said, using the nickname only he could get away with. "Bones was everything to him. He got so used to being one half of a whole that I think he forgot how to be alone."

"That's it then," Addy decided. "We have to make it so he's not alone. We're going to get Daddy a girlfriend." Parker laughed again, this time with a lightness to it.

"Yeah, good luck with that," he said sarcastically. "He doesn't even look at women anymore. And if he knew he was being set up? Forget about it." Adanna's brow furrowed in thought just as Booth walked through the door. He called for Addy.

"In here!" Adanna shouted. Booth walked into the kitchen and grinned when he saw Parker sitting at the counter.

"Hey, Park!" he exclaimed as he pulled his son into a hug. "What brings you here?"

"Can't a guy just visit his dad and kid sister without an ulterior motive?" Parker let go of his father and looked him in the eyes. "How are you, Dad?"

"Good, good," Booth answered, trying not to let it show that he was going through a bit of a crisis. "How are things in marriage land?"

"He says you were right," Adanna chimed in with a mischievous smile. "They were too young to get married." Parker glared at his sister, who merely smirked at him.

"You two having problems?" Booth asked with concern. Parker shook his head.

"No, Dad, everything's fine. We'll work it out," he assured. Booth nodded.

"Yeah, make sure you do. You and Katie have something special. You don't want to throw that away." Parker nodded in understanding.

"Yeah." A silent moment passed before Booth clapped his hands together.

"So, dinner with the whole Booth clan! What do you guys want?" Adanna smiled to herself. This was the best mood her father had been in for almost two weeks.

Booth left to pick up the food, leaving Parker and Adanna alone again. "So, you've been reading Bones' letters." Addy nodded. "How's that going?"

"Okay, I guess. It's hard." She paused before going on. "I used to be jealous of you, you know." Parker's eyes met hers. "I mean, you got to have Daddy and your mom too. When I was little I hated you for it. I thought it was so unfair that you got to have them both when I didn't. And more than that. You had your mom's family too. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. _Plus_ everyone I had like Aunt Angela, Uncle Hodgins, and Sweets. I hated it."

"I know. Does… Dad ever talk about Bones' family?" Adanna shook her head.

"All I know is that he had some huge fight with her dad right after she died and they haven't spoken since. I don't really ask him about it. It seems like it's something he doesn't really like to talk about." A look of sadness flashed across Addy's face, but she suppressed it quickly. It wasn't lost on Parker.

After dinner, Parker cornered Booth in the living room. "Dad, is everything really okay?" he asked with concern etched on his face.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Booth replied, desperate to avoid a second emotional breakdown in one day.

"Addy told me that you two have been having some pretty intense discussions about Bones." Parker paused. He tried to put what he had to say in the nicest terms he possibly could. "Dad, she's been gone for nine years. It's okay to let some things go." Booth shook his head fervently.

"I wouldn't know where to begin," he said honestly. Parker nodded.

"I know. But maybe you could call Grandpa Max." Booth's eyes widened in shock.

"No," he said with finality. "What happened after the funeral… No, Parker. Why would you want me to call Max anyway?"

"Because no matter what happened back then, he's Addy's grandfather. She deserves to know that she has family besides us who care about her. She deserves to know that part of Bones." Booth looked down at his feet. "And talking through what happened might just be the first step to letting go."

"I don't want to." It was the most definitive statement he had made on the subject since the idea of moving on first entered his head. "Why should I? Give me one good reason to stop needing my wife. The mother of my child. The love of my life." Parker gave his father a small, sad smile.

"Because it's killing you."

**Tell me what you think about how I'm portraying Booth. Do you think he's in character? Tell me honestly!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Special thanks to Squinttoyou who helped me out with this one. You're the best!**

Chapter 5

"Addy! This is a pleasant surprise!" Adanna smiled at the man whose office she had just walked into. "What brings you here?"

"Lunch with Dad," Addy explained. "Sweets, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

"Sure," Sweets said and sat down in his chair. "What's bothering you?" Addy sighed and sat on the couch where her parents had so many sessions.

"Parker and I were talking the other day about Dad and… how he's still hung up about losing Mom. I mean, I understand that he loved her. But, it's been a really long time. We want to help him move on." Sweets nodded thoughtfully.

"And you would like my advice on how best to go about helping him." Addy shook her head.

"No, I need you to set him up for a blind date. Maybe he can double with you and Daisy." Sweets laughed out loud.

"Adanna, have you _met_ your father?" Adanna shifted in her seat. "If I set Booth up on a blind date he'd have my butt in a sling. Besides, that isn't going to help him truly move on from losing your mother. Even if by some divine providence he accepted a blind date, it would only be a distraction from his pain. What your father needs to do is _deal_ with his pain. But after so many years, I don't know if he's even capable of confronting his own feelings in that way." Addy thought for a moment.

"What do you think it would take for him to deal with it, once and for all?" she asked. Sweets had an answer ready. He knew exactly what Booth needed to be okay ever since Brennan had died.

"He needs closure," he said simply. "He needs to know how she died and why. He doesn't need to hear anyone's theories on the subject. He needs to _know_ exactly what happened from the moment he walked out of her office to when he got that call."

"Thanks, Sweets." Adanna stood up to leave.

"Anytime, Addy. Don't be a stranger." Addy smiled at him and left the office.

**-BONES-**

Addy thumbed through the pages tucked inside the manila folder. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, all she knew was that she had to look. She's read every single word in this file before, but there has to be something here. Something she can point to and say to her father, "Here. This is it. This is how it happened. You don't have to wonder anymore." She stared at the words on the paper, growing increasingly frustrated at her inability to find anything the least bit strange.

_Cause of Death: Overdose of a cocktail of prescription drugs. Pill bottles found at the scene belonged to the deceased. Fingerprints on the bottles belonged only to the deceased. Deep cuts on wrist ruled to be self-inflicted. Wounds on wrist were non-life-threatening. Autopsy reveals nothing to suggest foul play. Death officially ruled a suicide._

"What are you doing?" Adanna's head snapped up to find her father standing over her. She stammered nonsense words and closed the file as if he didn't already know what she was looking at. Booth took the file from her hands and put it on his desk. "I don't want you looking at that." His tone wasn't angry or threatening, but Addy still felt like she was in deep trouble.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I was just trying to help."

"Help?" Booth was genuinely curious. What was Addy trying to help with that would require her to look through her mother's file? Adanna nodded. "What do you mean help? What were you trying to do?"

"You've always told me that Mom didn't commit suicide," Addy stated, as if that would tell Booth everything he needed to know.

"She didn't," Booth said definitively. "She didn't commit suicide." He repeated it like a mantra, as if saying it again and again would make it true.

"Then what happened?" Adanna challenged. Booth opened his mouth to respond, but realized that he had no words. Addy waited with her arms folded across her chest as Booth struggled to find the right thing to say.

"I… I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know what happened. But I know she didn't kill herself. You know she didn't, right?" Adanna didn't answer him. "You tell me, Adanna!" Booth insisted. "You tell me that you know she didn't do this on purpose. Tell me!"

"I don't know!" Addy shouted. "And you don't either! I want to believe she didn't, Daddy. I really want to. But I don't know for sure. Don't you want to know for sure?"

"I gave you the letters…" For some reason, this was the sentence that made the most sense to Booth to utter at this particular moment.

"That's not proof," Addy told him gently. "Your gut feeling isn't proof. _Letters_ aren't proof. The only thing that's going to prove that something else happened is you looking at this file." She picked up the folder from the desk and held it out to Booth. "Really looking at it for the first time and finding out exactly what happened."

"I can't do it without her," Booth said quietly. "We were a team, you know? We solved cases together. I can't figure it out without her." He laughed humorlessly. "I guess that kind of funny. The most important case I'll ever have to solve and she can't be here to help me."

"Aunt Angela, Uncle Hodgins, and Cam will help you," Adanna all but promised. "They want to know as much as we do. If you just ask they'll help you."

"I know they will," Booth agreed. "But they're not enough. I need Bones." He laughed darkly again at how much meaning those last tree words carried. "I need Bones," he repeated, feeling that familiar twinge in his chest.

"Try, Daddy. Try for me, for you. For Mom. You always told me that she said that every victim deserves to have their voice heard. Give Mom a voice." Booth looked his daughter in the eyes, filled with a new resolve. He pulled her into a tight hug and refused to let go. He planted a kiss in her hair and began rocking her side to side.

"Thank you, Addy," he whispered as he clutched to her for dear life.

**-BONES-**

Booth sat in his desk chair in his office at home. He had finally worked up the nerve to open the file. He had only read it a few times before. It had been years since he really sat down and studied it. Nothing looked out of place. There was nothing in there he didn't remember reading so many years before. Nothing he hadn't thought about every single day of his life for nearly the last decade. He had memorized the wording under her cause of death. He remembered it all too well, the morning after they found her body and he was told for the first time what exactly had killed her…

_…Booth hadn't spoken a word in over 24 hours. Seeing his wife, his rock, his everything lifeless on a slab shocked him into a silence he wasn't sure he would ever (or even wanted to) come out of. He walked through his front door where Angela and Hodgins sat with a three-year-old Addy. The last day especially had rendered him virtually incapable of caring for her. He would be eternally grateful for his friends who, despite their own pain, stepped in when they were needed to help him out however they could._

_ An officer had just released the information to him. She was killed by an overdose of her own prescription pills. He was shown the bottles with her name printed on the side. Some of the pills were years old, having sat long forgotten in the back of their medicine cabinet. Some of them even had his name on them. Most of them painkillers for his back if it ever acted up unexpectedly. Even now he refused to believe it. Bones would never commit suicide. Damn it, he would have _noticed._ He would have known that something was wrong. He certainly would have known if she was thinking about ending it all._

_ He tore into his kitchen without even acknowledging his daughter and best friends. He opened the medicine cabinet and was stunned to find it mostly empty. How long had it been since he had looked in here? How long ago were the pill bottles taken? He was home. He was home when she left for work that morning. He was home all day until he went to the lab to give her dinner and ask when she would be home. She was never back at the house. She never had time to take the bottles out. He would have noticed. He would have noticed. He would have noticed…_

He stared at the pages for hours with nothing jumping out at him. He was just about to give up for the night when he took another look at the autopsy photos. It had taken hours for him to force himself to look at them. But it was necessary if he was going to get justice for her once and for all. He tried not to connect the gruesome pictures in front of him with Bones, but it was nearly impossible. He felt lightheaded every time he looked at them. He still had never looked at the pictures of her face. Seeing it like that once was more than enough for a lifetime.

He stopped at a close-up of her wrist. The gash was deep, but not deep enough to sever the arteries. This had never made any sense to him. If Bones knew how she was going to kill herself, why slash her wrist first? There was no point to it. Especially since if she was going to it that way, she would have known that the best way to do it would be vertically down her arm instead of across the wrist. This was it; he knew it in his ever-trusty gut. This was the one piece of the puzzle that didn't fit.

He grabbed his cell phone and dialed Cam with shaky fingers. "Cam," he greeted when she picked up. "It's Booth. Look, will you do me a huge favor?" Without even knowing what the favor was, Cam agreed on the spot. "Thanks. I owe you." He chuckled at Cam's response. "You don't understand. I'll owe you for the rest of my life, Camille."

He waited for two days while Cam looked at Brennan's autopsy photos, file, and x-rays. Finally, he got a call. "Are you sitting down, Seeley?" His heart began pounding in his chest. "The wounds on…" She couldn't bring herself to say her name. "The victim weren't caused by a knife. It wasn't done with one slash across the wrist. This was a gradual wound, caused by the wrist rubbing up against something for hours." Booth had a pretty good idea what that meant, but he needed to hear it.

"What does that tell us, Cam?" he asked, quickly losing his patience.

"It was most likely caused by a rope, Seeley. Dr. Brennan was tied up for several hours before her death." Booth had no idea how to feel. The news bowled him over and he was literally fighting to catch a breath. "You know what this means, Seeley. This is probable cause. An official police investigation can be opened." Booth hung up unceremoniously and dropped his phone to his feet. He buried his face in his hands, sobs wracking his whole body.

"Daddy?" He didn't hear Adanna walk into the room or call his name. She walked up to him cautiously and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Booth looked up at his daughter, the little girl who looked more and more like her mother each day. "Daddy, what happened?"

"Cam called back," he explained. He was about to tell her what Cam told him, but found that he couldn't do it. How do you tell a twelve year old little girl that her mother was murdered? Dear God. The reality hit him for the first time. He was once again fighting for air. She was tied up. That meant… Dear Lord.

Bones was murdered.

**Let me know what you think! This one just kind of came flying out of my fingertips. Tell me anything I can improve on!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, it's been a while! I wanted to get this out in time for the New Year's Posting Party over at Bonesology, so here we go!**

Chapter 6

Booth stormed into the DC coroner's office. "Sir, you can't go in there!" a receptionist shouted after him. He ignored her and forced his way into the room, closing the door behind himself.

"Agent Booth!" the coroner, Dr. Jonathan Smalley, exclaimed when he saw the FBI agent. The two had crossed paths a few times, particularly during the investigation into Brennan's death. He stood and stuck his hand out to be shaken. Booth didn't acknowledge him and instead dropped the file in his hand onto the desk. He opened it to the picture of Brennan's bloodied wrist.

"Tell me what you see there," he said simply. Smalley gave him a confused look and sat back in his chair. He scooted the file closer and examined it closely.

"This is a picture of Dr. Brennan's left wrist shortly after her body was discovered," he said bluntly. Smalley was never one to cut any corners. "I'm not sure what you want me to tell you, Agent Booth. This case is nine years old. I don't think I can tell you anything other than what is written in this report. I understand that she was your wife, but…" Booth cut him off.

"Yeah, Smalley, I think there is something you can tell me," he insisted. "You can tell me how you fucked this up." Smalley's expression didn't change as he tilted his head to the side. "Take a good look at that wound on her wrist. On my _wife's _wrist." Smalley did as he was told, still not entirely sure where this was going. "Now, does that look like the kind of cut a knife would make?"

"Yes," Smalley insisted. Booth nodded, not expecting any other answer. He put Cam's written report over the picture.

"What about now?" Smalley took a minute to read over Cam's revised report and compared her words to the pictures and x-rays in the file. His eyes widened as he met Booth's gaze.

"Oh," was all he managed to mutter. Booth only continued to stare him down. "You're… you're right. This scenario makes much more sense. The skin on her wrist was worn away over several hours of struggling against a restraint, most likely a rope. This…" Smalley broke eye contact. "I'm sorry, Agent Booth," he said sincerely. "Nine years ago I wasn't as experienced. I probably didn't study it as long as I should have. If there's any way I can make this up to you…"

"You can't," Booth told him definitively. "You can't give me and my daughter the last nine years back. We thought she had done this on purpose. My little girl has been torturing herself since she was barely out of diapers thinking that this was her fault. She thought her mother, her _mother,_ took her own life because she had disappointed her in some way. I thought I had failed as a husband, as her partner." Booth chuckled humorlessly. "Maybe I still did. But this? You can never make this right. You don't know what it's like, wondering what you could have done, what you could have said to prove to her that she was loved. Wondering what you did to make her think that her life wasn't worth living." Smalley looked down at his hands.

"Please allow me to correct my error," he pleaded. "Let me open an official investigation. I'll re-examine everything with an objective eye. I'll set this right. Please, Agent Booth." Booth shook his head and took the file back.

"No, you had your chance. I've gotten permission from the police chief to give this case to my people at the Jeffersonian." Booth turned and left the office without another word, leaving Smalley to bury his head in his hands.

**-BONES-**

"Booth, you do realize what this means," Cam said. The two of them were meeting at the Royal Diner, a place he hadn't set foot in in almost a decade. He was incredibly uncomfortable as memories and images ran through his mind. He shifted in his seat, wanting nothing more than to bolt out the door. But he had taken Parker's words to heart. Avoiding everything that reminded him of her was slowly killing him, because there wasn't a place on earth that didn't smell like her, or have something in it she would have loved, or had something they would have bickered about for hours before going home to have fabulous make-up sex. Sometimes he thought they fought just so they had the opportunity to make up. "Seeley, you in here?" Booth was torn from his unseeing stare across the diner.

"Sorry, Cam, did you say something?" he asked, genuinely apologetic. Cam gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Are you sure you're okay here?" she asked with concern. Booth nodded.

"I had to face something like this sometime. It's time to move on with my life, Cam. She… she would want me to." Booth smiled slightly at his next thought. "She's probably looking down on me every day thinking that I'm being ridiculous. I know just what she'd say. She'd say: 'Booth, I'm dead. You're wasting valuable time dwelling on something that can't be changed.'" He chuckled lightly, but his expression quickly became solemn.

"There's something we have to talk about," Cam began gently. "In order to open an official investigation and determine who killed Dr. Brennan, we'll have to exhume her body." Booth started at her words and met her gaze. After a moment he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I guess I should have figured on that." He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Cam. "Bones would say that her body doesn't mean anything. That it's just a tool now to finding out what happened to her. So that's how we're going to look at it. You do what you have to do to get the bastard who took Bones."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself."

"I am." He wasn't. Not really. He worked up the courage to look Cam in the eyes again. "Are the other squints okay with having to… examine Bones' body?" Cam nodded.

"I haven't asked any of them directly but I think they all know what we have to do and none of them have declined to help." Booth's mouth twitched into the semblance of a smile.

"Of course they haven't," he said softly. "I can't be on this one, can I?" She shook her head.

"No, Director Hacker and the police chief allowed FBI jurisdiction on the case, but specifically said that you weren't to participate in any other way than a consultant."

"A consultant? What does that mean exactly?" Cam shrugged and took another sip of her drink.

"It means that you have the right to the information regarding the case, but you can't do any active work on it." Booth nodded.

"I'm okay with that." Actually, he was more than okay with that. He was finally getting up the nerve to do this. To deal with her death and begin to move on with his life. He didn't think being an active participant in her murder investigation would help that cause very much. "Thanks, Cam," he said with sincerity.

"Dr. Brennan was my friend too," she pointed out. "I want to find out what happened to her as much as anyone else." She paused a second to study Booth's face. "We _will _find out what happened to her, Seeley," she promised. "We'll catch whoever did this to her."

"Yeah," Booth said with more confidence than he had in the entire conversation. "You guys are the best there is, right?"

**-BONES-**

Booth had decided that it was better to leave Adanna out of the details of Brennan's murder investigation. She knew there was one underway, but she didn't need to know more than that. Booth sat next to her on the couch that night as she was watching some romantic comedy movie. Addy glanced at him and noticed that he had the shoebox in his lap. She turned off the TV and turned to face him. "I thought we could both use some of your mom's genius tonight," he told her. Addy didn't say anything as he took out the letter and began to read.

_Dearest Booth,_

_You were injured in the line of duty today. I wasn't there. You asked me not to accompany you because it would be dangerous. I suppose you were right. Of course, I fought you up until the moment you walked out the front door. After you left I had what can only be described as a "gut feeling." I suppose you are grinding off on me. I cannot explain it in clear terms, but I knew that something was going to happen to you. An hour after you left, my feeling was proven correct._

_The doctor was very abrupt and rude when he called. I wondered for a moment if that was how I sounded to the families of murder victims. He told me that you had been injured and were in surgery. He wouldn't answer any of my questions and I had to ask Angela to drive me to the hospital as I didn't trust my ability to drive myself safely. It was several hours before I was told anything. I am not your wife and for some reason it took them hours to prove that I was in fact your medical proxy. When they finally told me what had happened, I was devastated._

_You were run down by a car. The suspect had gotten in his truck and chased you down the street until you were no longer able to outrun him. There were several witnesses; however the suspect still managed to escape. As I write this I am keeping vigil at your bedside. I am filled with an intense feeling of anger toward the man who did this to you. I have an overwhelming desire to harm him physically. I have never felt this way before. Not even when I thought Pam Noonan had killed you. I want to hurt him worse than he hurt you. However, I know that this is not the answer. The judicial system will do its job. The system is imperfect, but it is always best to leave the law in its hands than in your own. You taught me that._

_I need you to wake up, Booth. I know wishing for it will not make it so, but please wake up for me. You have told me several times since we began our romantic relationship that you love me. I have been unable to form the words. I believe I am ready now. I need you to wake up so I can tell you that I love you. Because I do, Booth. I know you'll say that you already know that. But I would like to say the words myself. It's important to me. I promise you that I will be here when you wake up, and that will be the first thing I tell you._

_My Love Always,_

_Bones_

There were no words exchanged between father and daughter that night. Each of them had taken something different they desperately needed to hear from the letter. When he finished, Booth folded the paper and put it back in its rightful place. He then kissed Adanna on the forehead and left her to her movie.

That night as he lay awake in bed, Booth thought of many things. He thought of the exhumation order that was scheduled to be carried out tomorrow. He thought of Addy and how she would handle everything that had happened in the last few days, and his ability to be everything he had to be for her. And especially he thought of the son of a bitch who was still out there, who had taken his life away and thought he had gotten away with it. He wouldn't be thinking that for much longer. "I knew you wouldn't leave me, Bones," he whispered into the dark. "You promised. And now I'm going to make you a promise. I promise that this'll all be over soon. I promise to let you finally rest in peace." _And just maybe, _he thought, _when this is over, I'll rest in peace too._

**So there we go! Tell me what you think! Next chapter we'll start the investigation into Brennan's murder and we'll meet a new character. Hmmm. :P Thanks for reading! Reviews make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Agent Booth?" Booth looked up from his paperwork and met the gaze of a woman he didn't recognize. He stood up to greet her.

"Yes?" he said as he walked around the desk.

"I'm Agent Dominick. I've been assigned to Dr. Temperance Brennan's murder case." Booth shook her hand. "I've been told that you're a consultant on the case and anything I find out should go through you. Is there something different about this case, sir? It's not usually protocol for the Executive Assistant Director to be directly involved in a murder case." Booth wondered how long this woman had been an agent. Pretty much _everyone_ at the Hoover knew who his wife was.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Booth replied. "Have you started investigating?"

"No, I was just assigned to the case. I'll be meeting with the team at the Jeffersonian this afternoon, but I thought I should introduce myself to you first."

"Here, let me give you my number so you can contact me whenever you learn something new. I want immediate updates, you understand? The second there's a break in the case, you call me. I'll be in touch with the team at the Jeffersonian too, but I want every single thing you find out the instant you have it, you got that?" Agent Dominick nodded and took the paper he was holding out to her.

"Am I right to assume that you're personally connected to this case, sir?" Booth broke eye contact and looked at the floor.

"Yeah, that's a fair assumption," Booth confirmed. "Thanks for coming by. And you can cut all that 'sir' stuff," he added. He hated how his now-elevated position at the Hoover had everyone pretty much everyone groveling at his feet. "Just 'Booth' will be fine." Agent Dominick smiled at him and left the office.

Booth sat back in his chair and started writing again. "Hey, Dad," he heard his daughter's voice and his head snapped up.

"Addy!" he exclaimed as he approached her for a hug. She gladly obliged and squeezed him tight. "What are you doing here, Sweetheart?" Addy let go of him and shrugged.

"I had Angela drop me off here," she explained. "I just wanted to say hi." Booth smiled. He knew why Adanna was really there. Brennan's body had been exhumed the day before, and Booth hadn't taken it well. He regretted his decision to be there when she was unearthed, but there was no taking it back now. Addy was obviously just making sure that he wasn't on the verge of an implosion.

"Thanks," he said sincerely. "We had this discussion, though, Addy," he warned. "I don't want you feeling like you have to take care of me all the time. I should be asking you. How are you holding up, Addy?" She shrugged again.

"Okay, I guess," she answered. "I mean, we have to do this, right? We can't find out who did it without…"

"Yeah," Booth agreed readily. "Hey, are you hungry?" He dug in his pocket for a couple singles. "Here, go get something from the vending machine. And get me a bag of chips while you're down there, okay?" Addy took the money and walked down the hall to the machines.

Booth sat in his chair and once again began writing. "Booth, can I have a word?" At the sound of Sweets' voice, he slammed his pen on the desk and looked up, eyes shooting daggers into the psychologist.

"What, Sweets?" he asked, his irritation evident in his tone.

"I just wonder how you're handling the investigation into Dr. Brennan's death," Sweets said in his 'psychologist' tone. He took a few steps toward Booth and Booth dared him with his eyes to take one more step. Sweets backed off. "I mean, this must be incredibly emotional for you. If you need to discuss your concerns…"

"I'm _fine,_" Booth insisted. "Besides, Addy's here. And I'd much rather talk to my daughter about this than you."

"It's good that you and Adanna are able to have an open conversation about this. Many parents would shut off emotionally in this situation. But from what I've observed from Addy's behavior concerning you, I'd say that you're doing an exceptional job of keeping her strong and grounded in a situation that could be devastating to a child her age." Sweets kept talking even as Booth began physically pushing him out of his office.

"Do me a favor Sweets and don't observe my kid anymore, okay?" he said as he shoved his friend out the door. He waved at Sweets sarcastically through the window when he refused to walk away. Sweets finally gave up and trudged back to his own office.

For the third time in under ten minutes, Booth tried to work on the paperwork he was filling out. He heard a rapping on his door. "Well, I'm just Mr. Popularity today," he said, exasperated. He looked up and was stunned into silence by the man who was standing in his office. "Max," he managed to mutter.

"Booth." Max was obviously not in the mood for pleasantries.

"What are you doing here?" Booth asked, still a little too shocked to say anything of intelligence.

"You called me two days ago to tell me Tempe was murdered. I think that's a pretty good reason for being here," Max chided as he stepped further into the office.

"But why are you _here_?" Booth asked again. "Why are you in my office? How did you even get clearance into the building?"

"I actually came here to see if we couldn't mend a few fences," Max said earnestly. Booth shook his head in disbelief.

"Well, here's your answer. We can't." Max sat in the chair across from Booth's desk and folded his hands calmly.

"I think I did you a pretty big favor, Booth. I stayed away. I had no relationship with my granddaughter after she was three years old. But I did it because I knew you needed a scapegoat to blame for Tempe's death, and that just happened to be me. But now that we know that someone else is _really_ responsible for this, I thought we could talk through some things." Booth shook his head again.

"You've got a lot of nerve, Max." Booth looked the older man in the eyes. "This wasn't me needing someone to blame. You _are_ to blame." He shifted gears when he saw Max's expression of utter rage. "Not for Bones' death," he clarified. "But for not being around. If you had just called me up once in the last nine years and admitted that what you did was uncalled for and completely out of line, I would've welcomed you back with open arms. But you blew it, Max. It's too late."

"You can't still be hung up over something I said in the heat of the moment when I was grieving for my little girl."

"You told me it was my fault," Booth said in an almost-whisper. "You said that you trusted me with her. You said you thought I would protect her and keep her safe. You told me I had failed and let her down. You think that was easy for a me to hear? You think I don't still beat myself up over that? Because you didn't break that news to me, Max. I believed that long before you ever said it." Max nodded in understanding.

"I shouldn't have said it," he admitted. "Doesn't mean I didn't think it at the time. I won't apologize for that. But I don't think it now. Maybe there wasn't anything you could do. It doesn't matter anyway. That's not why you shut me out, Booth."

"Uh, yeah, it is," Booth said in a rather childish tone. "Look, you can stay in DC during the investigation, but not with me and Addy."

"Well thank you for the permission to stay in the city," Max said sarcastically. "I want to see Addy."

"Forget it," Booth shot back.

"I made this mistake with Tempe, I'm _not_ going to make it with my granddaughter. I'm going to be in that little girl's life, Booth. I'm not asking you, I'm _telling _you." Booth paused for a moment, then nodded.

"Yeah," he finally agreed. "Yeah, we'll talk. But I'm not ready to forgive you." Max shrugged.

"At least that's something," he said with a small smile. Max turned to leave and was met with two very familiar blue eyes. The little girl who stood before him with a bag of chips and a candy bar gave him a friendly smile.

"Hi," she said sweetly. "Sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"It's okay, Addy." Max just continued to gape at the little clone of his daughter, then looked back at Booth.

"I'll get out of your way. I'll call you later, okay Booth?"

"Yeah." Max nodded curtly and walked out of the office. Addy handed the chips to her father and looked at the man who was now walking down the hall toward the elevators.

"Who was that?" she asked innocently.

"Uh, nobody," he answered with a smile. "What do you say you fill out all this paperwork for me, huh?" he joked lightly, desperate to change the subject.

"Nice try," Addy replied with a chuckle. Booth laughed and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

**What did you think of Max's appearance? Did I characterize him well? Let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

**It's been a while! Life kind of got in the way and I apologize. Plus I kind of had writer's block for this chapter for a while. But thanks to new Bones friends Angela and Sam, it's here for your enjoyment!**

"Booth," Booth answered early Saturday morning into his phone. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up, leaning against the headboard.

"This is Agent Dominick," the female agent he met a few days previously introduced herself. "I'm sorry to call you so early, but you told me to call whenever I had pertinent information about the case."

"Yeah, good to see you know I meant it," Booth replied, his voice still sounding a little groggy. "Do you want to meet somewhere to talk about what you found?"

"We can do this over the phone," Dominick insisted. "They found some DNA on Dr. Brennan that wasn't hers." Booth's heart began to pound in his chest.

"And?" he demanded.

"Nothing yet." Booth felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. "They're working on it, though. If whoever the DNA belonged to has as much as a parking violation against him, they'll find out." The words were a promise, and Booth was soothed by the younger agent's confidence.

"Was it someone else's blood they found on her?" Booth asked. He was afraid of what else could have been left behind by his wife's killer.

"Yes," Dominick confirmed. "It appears that Dr. Brennan fought back." Booth smiled. Of course she did. He never doubted that for a second. Bones would have to be dragged to the other side kicking and screaming.

"Thank you," Booth said with sincerity. "It's good to know they got an agent I can trust on this case."

"I'm sure a lot of agents could do the job." Booth shook his head although Dominick couldn't see him.

"No, I'd only trust the best with this. So don't screw up. Because if you do, you'll be off this case faster than you can say 'oops.'" Dominick faltered at his words for a moment.

"Yes… of course, Agent Booth. I assure you that I'll follow your instruction to the letter. I'll call when I have more information on the blood." Booth thanked her and hung up his phone. He glanced at the time. It was a little past four in the morning. He smiled at the thought of the squint squad working at all hours of the night to help him. To help Bones. He was a lucky man indeed to have such a family.

**-BONES-**

Agent Dominick was relatively new to the DC chapter of the FBI. She worked in California at the start of her career, and the year before she was offered a promotion that required a move to the FBI headquarters in the nation's capital. Having nothing to tie her to California since her very short marriage went south, she gladly took the opportunity. She slowly proved herself to the best of the best in federal law enforcement and became a Supervisory Special Agent in the homicide department. She didn't know a lot about the Assistant Deputy Director. Whenever she asked, her fellow agents would dance around the subject. It was as if discussing him was taboo. The only things she knew were that he was once one of the finest field agents the bureau had and he had given up field work for his current job under protest. The air of mystery surrounding him only made him more attractive. She wasn't looking for a serious relationship, she had her fill of those and they never worked out in her favor. But she was certainly interested in getting to know the ADD a little better.

Later that afternoon, Agent Dominick entered the medico-legal lab of the Jeffersonian. Dr. Clark Edison was examining the freshly-cleaned bones of Dr. Temperance Brennan. He and everyone else who was working the case had to admit that it was much easier to work with the clean, white bones than the still-fleshy corpse that still slightly resembled their close friend and colleague. Cam was standing on the platform with him and Dominick stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to them. "Dr. Saroyan, can I talk to you for a second?" she called up to the woman standing over the examining table. Cam met the agent at the bottom of the stairs. "I was wondering if you had anything on the blood you found on Dr. Brennan?" Cam shook her head sadly.

"No, and we're starting to lose hope, frankly. We've been running it against everyone in the system we know Dr. Brennan had contact with over her career for hours, and nothing. So either the assailant didn't know Dr. Brennan or is a first offender. Either way, it's going to make it very difficult to identify." Dominick nodded.

"Okay, thank you. Agent Booth is demanding prompt reports on our progress, so I thought I would ask." Dominick turned to leave, then turned back. "Agent Booth seems very invested in this case. He told me he has a personal connection to it, but he hasn't been specific." Cam's brow wrinkled in confusion.

"You don't know?" she asked incredulously. The agent shook her head slowly, not sure why Cam was so surprised. "Dr. Brennan…" Cam paused. If Booth hadn't told the agent about his wife, he had a reason for not wanting her to know. "They were partners for years until Booth was promoted," she decided to say. "He blames himself for what happened to her." Realization spread across Dominick's face.

"Oh, that explains it." Cam nodded, hoping she wasn't letting it show that she was holding a lot back.

**-BONES-**

Booth sat at his desk, a file sitting open and untouched in front of him. He started when he heard his cell ringing and quickly put it to his ear. "Booth."

"Seeley, it's Cam," Cam greeted. "I just wanted to let you know that we're still working on the blood, but we're not really getting anywhere."

"Yeah, I know. Dominick told me about it when I came back from lunch." He heard Cam laugh once on the other end.

"Oh did she now?" she said with a tone that confused Booth.

"Yes," he answered, dragging the word out. "What's going on, Camille?" he inquired. "Is there a problem with Dominick?"

"That depends on how you define a problem."

"Tell me, Cam," Booth insisted harshly. "If she's neglecting the case I should know. We can get someone else on it…"

"No, she's doing more than her fair share," Cam assured him. "Didn't you wonder why she was so quick to agree to keep you in the loop without any explanation?"

"I'm her boss," Booth reasoned. Cam laughed again.

"Oh come on, Seeley. She's obviously attracted to you." Booth shook his head vehemently.

"What? No way. You're out of your mind, Cam." He didn't want to think of any woman being attracted to him ever again. That ship had sailed. He'd had the love of his life. There was no point in trying to recreate something that could never, ever be duplicated. He looked up to see Dominick standing in his office doorway. "I have to go," he told Cam and hung up unceremoniously. "Did you find something?" he asked Dominick hopefully.

"No," she answered as she walked into his office. "I just wanted to tell you… that Dr. Saroyan told me about you and Dr. Brennan. And I apologize if I seemed cold or unfeeling before. I didn't realize how exactly you were connected to the case." Booth's jaw clenched.

"Cam told you?" He guessed he shouldn't really be mad. After all, he'd never told anyone _not _to tell Dominick. It was just nice to have someone working on the case who wasn't looking at him with sympathetic, sad eyes every twenty seconds. Dominick nodded and stepped up to his desk.

"It must be very difficult for you," she said sweetly. "If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here." Booth studied her face. He detected genuine concern, yes, but also something else. He realized that Cam was right. This chick was flirting with him. "Maybe we could go out to dinner sometime to talk." Booth instinctively scooted his chair away from Dominick.

"Um, thank you, but I don't think…" he stammered, having no idea how to respond to the sudden advance. Dominick gave him a quizzical look. She took a step closer then caught a picture out of the corner of her eye. She looked at it, intrigued. It was a picture of Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan, smiling happily. There was a child between them. A child with her striking blue eyes and his identical mouth shape. She looked up at Agent Booth, her cheeks quickly becoming a deep shade of red.

"You… you two…" She looked at his left hand, which still had a simple gold band on the ring finger. "You were married." Booth nodded.

"That's not what Cam told you?"

"No, she told me you were partners. God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I had known… of course I wouldn't have hit on you!" Booth smiled at the flustered woman in front of him.

"It's okay," he promised. "You didn't know. I'm not really looking for a relationship, but I could use a dinner buddy. What do you say, tomorrow night?" He flashed her a charm smile to put her at ease, and Dominick reciprocated with a grin of her own.

"Yes, sure," she agreed. "I'll call you?" Booth nodded in agreement and Dominick left the office.

**-BONES-**

That night, Booth sat with the shoebox on his lap, simply staring at the pieces of paper that were lined in a perfect row. Finally, his fingers traced the tops of the papers until they found the one he was searching for.

_Booth,_

_I am irritated with you. I hope the way these letters allow me to express my feelings of love toward you also applies to feelings of anger. I cannot voice these feelings to you at the moment, for I am afraid that I would say something I will regret. However, I think I can express them in a calm, rational way on paper. That woman was blatantly flirting with you. I am not an expert on body language, as you know, but I know flirting when I see it, Booth. That is not what bothers me. Of course women flirt with you. I see it every day. You are an attractive man. It is only natural. What I am angry about is that you flirted back. You allowed that woman to think that you could be stolen from me. That is what angers me._

_I never thought of myself as a jealous person. In the past if I was in a relationship, I would not be offended if my romantic partner flirted with another woman. I would not even be terribly upset if he decided to have intercourse with another woman. I simply rationalized it. He was not getting everything he needed from me, and he was free to find it elsewhere. But with you, I have an intense emotional reaction when I see you giving romantic attention to someone else. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough as your partner in life. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for you. You're everything to me, Booth. If I wasn't the same to you, it would destroy me. You know I'm insecure in this relationship. Please, don't do anything to add to those fears. I can't fathom the possibility of this ending. Without you, I'll be completely alone. Maybe not literally, I have several friends besides you. But figuratively, I would certainly die alone if I didn't have you. I know it's a burden to have to assure me daily that you aren't going anywhere, but I need it. Flirting undermines that and makes me irrationally nervous and upset. I hope you understand and do not hold this emotional reaction against me. I love you, no matter how angry I am with you, please always remember that._

_My Love Always,_

_Bones_

He remembered that exact fight like it was yesterday. It was a few months after they had finally decided to give their relationship a chance. She showed him the letter after a particularly nasty shouting match, and Booth was moved nearly to tears. He promised with all sincerity that he would only have eyes for her for the rest of their lives.

Booth knew he wasn't cheating on Brennan. He wasn't even going out on a date with Dominick. He only wanted to have dinner with someone who didn't know him inside out. He just wanted one night that wasn't full of 'are you okay's and 'don't give me that look, Seeley Booth, I know you're not fine's. But he couldn't shake the overwhelming guilt he felt. This felt like a betrayal. It felt like a betrayal because slowly but surely, he was beginning to wake up. He was beginning to feel happiness again, and it felt like cheating to feel that way without Bones.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the front door. He swung it open and was surprised to see his father-in-law standing before him. "Max." Max pushed past Booth and into the living room.

"We talked four days ago, Booth," Max bellowed. "We're going to talk about this. Now." Booth was about to respond when he saw Adanna emerge from her room.

"Dad?" she said curiously as she stepped into the room. She smiled in greeting when she saw Max. "Oh, hi. I remember you." Max smiled warmly at her.

"Hey," he greeted cheerfully. Booth sighed and walked over to his daughter.

"Addy, sit down," he instructed. "We have some things to talk about."

**I hope that was worth the wait! Thanks to Angela and Sam for keeping me entertained while I was working on this. Next time, we'll explore Booth's not-date with Dominick, Addy and Max getting to know each other, and maybe a little from the Hodgins clan. Until then, tell me what you thought!**


End file.
